my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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