Sponge bath it is.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
