You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize