i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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