I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
