I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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