just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
