Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Panties = found
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
