i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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