You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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