6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
