I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
