You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
