i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
