i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
