My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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