so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize