...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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