i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
