Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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