I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize