I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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