Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize