I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
