Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
