you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
