Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
