Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Holy shit dude........stairs
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