i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
