I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
