In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize