So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
