somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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