Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I need a burrito and a hug.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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