do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
