I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize