susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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