Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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