god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
