Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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