no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize