I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
