The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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