Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i already hear my dad disowning me
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
