eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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