the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
This toilet bowl is my home.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
