yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
