can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
