Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
