Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
