either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
do herpes really smell.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
