Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
