You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I CAN MOONWALK!
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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