she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Randomize
