tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize