Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
