I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
