Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
