Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
