I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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