It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
