Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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