An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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