I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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