my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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