A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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