Tell her she can't have a vagina
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
