It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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