so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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