Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
